I’m going to Europe!

Guys this month has been so hectic. Last month of school for kids is always a gong show, meaning long days and energy levels next to nothing. But we got through it all and on top of it all successfully weaned off of prednisone! It’s been officially three weeks and I haven’t regressed.

This drug has become my miracle drug. I can’t even explain it to you guys. To have my life back has been such a blessing. Yes it’s different, but I can DO things.

Like going to Europe! Since this new year I’ve been itching to get back out and travel. I haven’t left Canada since Disney and all of that fiasco. And with my best friend living in England, what better reason to go? But it had always been suggested to wait and see, it was still too rocky, still unpredictable. And then I had my appointment June 27th and THEY SAID I COULD GO. My lab work has been consistent and good, I weaned off of prednisone no problems (just two days weren’t so great), I have been feeling good, so we got the go ahead. Of course with the time difference they do think I may have a little flare up, but if I do I can take prednisone and come off it fast to help tide me over.

So not only do I get to go, but I also have less worries about what to do if I do feel like shit. I do have one more appointment before I go. But with the go ahead given all my time has been between planning the trip and managing all my other responsibilities. We leave August 8th, which is just over a month away. So much to do!

Even emotionally and mentally I am beginning to feel more like myself. I can feel more days of genuine happiness, silliness, and curiosity. I feel more motivated and mostly energized. But with the summer off of work I do need to create a new routine. I have noticed this week with no routine that I was not as productive as I would of liked (although I do have yet another cold….).

The one down side is that I feel my anxiety over the past few months has heightened. I had a huge panic attack Thursday night. The full thing of hyperventilating, crying, foggy and dizzy head, cloudy tunnel vision, and my mind just racing. I couldn’t make my mind shut up and the worst part was I KNEW I was being irrational- but I couldn’t stop it. I couldn’t stop myself. But I know my anxiety has been nagging me. Because to go to sleep I usually fall asleep now to an audio book. It helps quiet my mind. I’ve been trying meditation more and it does help relax and calm me. But this is something I will have to talk about with my clinical trial doctor- is this a side effect of the drug? Just a lot going on? Stress?

But we are getting there. We are getting better and it feels so liberating. When I get into remission I am throwing myself and big ass party because this has been such a long, up and down, emotional roller coaster type of ride and I cannot wait to be just me. Not Brittany and “hey sorry I’m sick so I always need to go to places with washrooms” or “sorry no I can’t do that because suddenly I’m really sick”. I also have maintain my weight and added a few pounds guys! I am 107 lbs post prednisone. It’s so exciting to actually look and feel healthy!

But now I am off to get ready for a camping trip this weekend. I hope you are all well!

Love,

Bee