Summertime Sadness

I’m not sure if anyone else can sympathize with this or not, especially when you’re not in remission- but summer and my bowels are not BFF’s. And it’s seriously bumming me out.

I’m from a city where we have winter for basically 8 months out of the year, so summer is short and sweet. This means in 2-3 months everyone tries to cram in all the outdoorsy, sun filled adventures they can until we have to bundle up again.

I for one have always loved summer. Cute dresses, farmers markets, so many festivals with all these yummy food trucks and stands, ice cream, beaches/outdoor pools, road trips, mountains and hiking, camping, I could go on! But this is my first time experiencing summer while battling UC and so far I hate summer.

My city is experiencing a heat wave this summer, which is pretty unheard of but I guess global warming? While everyone else is loving it and taking full advantage of our 28-31 degree celsius weather, I am withering away in my cool basement, staying away from the heat like it’s the plague. Why? Because spending two minutes in the heat seems to cause my bowels to grumble and moan in pain and my urges to quickly sky rocket.

At first I thought maybe I was just having a bad flare, but it is definitely heat related. On the Canada Day long weekend we went up to a lake with family friends and the weather was scorching. I was excited to be out in the sun and eager to just relax and bask in the Vitamin D. How naive of me. Instead of basking in the Vitamin D, I basked in the unpleasant stench of the out houses because my bowels were not having it. And what makes this situation even more annoying was that there was literally public flushable washrooms that were just a two minute walk away, but my bowels felt like they got hit by a truck and I barely even made it to the outhouses that were a 30 second walk away.

So here I am, bitterly hating as summer slips away before me. I have been to the farmers market twice so far (where one incident I lasted barely an hour and a half and had to scramble to find public washrooms somewhere) and that’s about it. I mean I have gone to a comedy show, have gone out for dinners with friends, but I haven’t really had the chance to really do any festivals, have barely gotten the chance to try yummy festival foods and even when I do, my appetite is so all over the place that I lose interest halfway through (and that shit ain’t cheap!). I also did go up to the lake with my boyfriend and his family but that incident reminded me that camping may be something I’ll have to wait on until I’m better.

I just want to be better already! I want to go to outdoor pools and not be nervous that while I’m swimming in the pool I’ll have an accident. I want to go on adventures and road trips and not worry about being stuck in a hot car and how this makes me unbelievably bloated, gasy, and nauseous. I want to eat all the terrible fried foods and ice cream and feel no remorse. I want to even just not be nervous to go get a haircut, because at this point I can’t seem to commit to anything longer than an hour without having to use a washroom (even if it’s just a false alarm). I want to be 23 dammit. I want to travel and be adventurous. Not feel sad that my newest milestones seem to be how many episodes of Law and Order SVU I can watch in a week or that I didn’t shit my pants on the way home from work.

Humira needs to kick in a little faster. This whole injecting myself weekly and not really seeing results is making it harder to justify poking myself and causing slight pain and sometimes serious bruising and bleeding every week! I’m getting testy and impatient. And mostly nervous because if I’m like this here in this heat, I can’t imagine what it will be like in Mexico.

Has anyone else had struggles with summer? I would love to know how you all handled it and if there’s any tips or tricks I should follow!

Until next time,

Bee.