So I had every intention of being more diligent this month about keeping you all up to date. The intention was there.
The energy and motivation was lacking a bit.
Earlier this month we had managed to get down to 1.5 pills but I was having some concerning symptoms including frequent bowel movements, diarrhea, and blood. Lots of blood again.
So after meeting with my doctor we agreed right now it was too risky to move ahead to something we were unsure would work, when we already know prednisone does work. Methotrexate was tossed around, but ultimately the fear was that we would try it, I would not respond well, and end up back on prednisone again anyways, but only after being in an active flare up again. So we decided until I’m stable enough to just cut the middle man out and stick with prednisone again. So I am back up to 8 pills and will taking my time weening off it yet again. Of course we tested my poop in hopes that maybe it was just an infection. Funny that infections have now become optimistic. But nope! Just my bowels being stubborn and unresponsive.
So little old Brittany got in a funk and got all emotional again because there felt like no winning. 8 pills a day and now monthly infusions of Entyvio because 8 weeks was definitely too long and he didn’t want to even risk 6 weeks.
So I found myself googling support groups in my city because I refuse to let myself fall again. But I feel myself teetering. I feel the overwhelming sensation to just throw my hands in the air, wave my little white flag, and yell surrender to my body.
I think the overall exhaustion of the holiday season is also getting to me as well. But I’m not sure what else I can really do to help my body. I just need us to be a team body! Be one with me! Love me better than I have loved you over the years!
To be fair, I should be a little better at taking care of myself. But I’m starting to get indifferent and find myself just caving into certain things by saying “well if I’m going to shit later, I mine as well enjoy it now” as a scarf down the chicken nuggets that probably aren’t the best option for dinner.
Sad moment when I realized that for 5 days, what was causing me to be sick was not an infection but carrots.
WHY MUST YOU TAKE EVERYTHING THAT IS GOOD TO ME BODY. I loved carrots. To be honest I will probably still try to eat them on occasion and when I know I’ll be home all day because I refuse to accept that my body has decided NOW to reject carrots. It’s been a year, get it together. Give me some things to enjoy in life. Just some. You have already taken away coffee, broccoli, 2% milk, corn, and my hair. And partially my sanity some days.
Oh and my regular face. The moon face is strong this time around. I do appreciate the other weight gain though! I will gladly keep this.
But with awareness week coming up (Dec.1-7th) I will definitely try to be more diligent. I had even planned out some posts I wanted to share, so keep posted! And I have my fourth infusion Dec. 4th & a support group Dec. 7th so I’ll be sure to update on that.
Goodnight lovely readers!